yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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