meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
