Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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