He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
