I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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