speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
