I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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