There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize