the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
