She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize