I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
