kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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