just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
