You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
