Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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