You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
