Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
