it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
