OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
