Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
