hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
