i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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