So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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