Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
