Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
