My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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