I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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