Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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