I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
