So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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