Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
