What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
