Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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