I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
