The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
