I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
