No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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