CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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