You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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