As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
