My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
