I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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