every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
