one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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