Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
