Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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