Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
