I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
