i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
