Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
