I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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