i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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