im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
