i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
