No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
