What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
