A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize