I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
