when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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