can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Barsexuality is the new black.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
