Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
