Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
