how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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