Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
