If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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