I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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