1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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