i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
