I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
