the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
