oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize