Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
