I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
