You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
