Please, let me fuck your mom
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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