Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
3pm strippers are depressing
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize