the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
