i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
