she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
