hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
