That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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