no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
