I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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