I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize