if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
