dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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