This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize