I must be too annoying 4 u.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
